“Welcome…To the Future!”

Good Lord. Kyle and I sat through a six-hour presentation given by CEO Travis MacDougal and his band of “comedy experts.” The theme was “Embracing the future of comedy.”

It was made abundantly clear that management has no confidence in our comedic talents. The following is what they deem ‘funny’. Ahem.

-National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze Sequels

-Anything remotely ‘American Pie’ related

-Jason Biggs movies

-Jason Biggs movies about sex with pies

-’Saturday Night Live’ Season 32 (2006-2007)

-Rachel Ray’s rapier wit

-Season 2, Episode 4 of HBO’s ‘Entourage’, in which the guys do something funny

-Jason Biggs on Rachel Ray’s talk show (hi-fuckin-larious)

-”Bleeding Heart Liberal Faggots”

I really think that their last suggestion, while not an uncommon opinion of corporate big-wigs, was inappropriate. The last two hours of the seminar were devoted almost exclusively to gay-bashing; We were strongly encouraged (read: forced at gunpoint) to destroy our ‘Doogie Howser, MD’ DVD sets. NPH, if you are out there, I’m sorry, and we support you.
Mr. MacDougal, I ask you now: Have you SEEN ‘Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip’? This kind of bigotry doesn’t fly on Aaron Sorkin’s fictional sketch comedy show, and it won’t fly here.

In fact, while we’re at it, maybe you should steal sketch ideas from ‘Studio 60′. Coudn’t possibly be any worse than the ones you and your comedy team come up with. What about taking a look at Matt and Danny on that show? They run a tight ship, while having fun and inspiring those under them. Me, I want to kill myself.

Well, I guess we’ve got a lot of work to do. Kyle and I are supposed to produce a ‘Tourgasm’ clone using recycled, heavily edited Richard Pryor bits from the late 70s.

Oh, also Kyle’s brother Kirk got married over the break, finally freeing himself from the throes of MacDougal’s comedy. Happy trails, my friend. We’ll work again soon.